It is strangely reassuring to discover that every year more than 40 million
visitors travel to Orlando intent solely on surrendering to the effects of
playground physics. So it's a huge deal when a new theme park opens in the
world's undisputed capital of momentum-based entertainment: the 69-acre,
36-slide SeaWorld Aquatica waterpark is the first regional debut in eight
years.
In opting to send my 11-year-old daughter Lilja and me to tackle Orlando's
fabled lunch-extractors, the Moore family did not select its daredevil
A-team. Where others see thrills, we see spills. And if a rollercoaster ride
leaves no legacy beyond the scars of post-traumatic stress, a trip down a
damp rubble chute is more tangibly painful.
Atop my debut aquatic descent, some 12 years back in Los Angeles, I scorned
the indicated arms-crossed-over-chest position as Californian-model health
and safety gone mad, and so crawled out of the exit pool trailing long
ribbons of skin from each elbow.
“This ride features speeds and forces which some visitors may find
unacceptable,” was a recorded refrain we would hear often during two days
spent at four theme parks. Yet, as I've discovered over the years while
sheathing my prominent joints in friction-burn scar tissue, on a water slide
it is possible to rein in this unacceptability. And so I emerged from the
Aquatica changing rooms in my Maximum Friction outfit: a pair of incredibly
baggy, rough-cotton shorts which last summer brought me to a complete
standstill halfway down the Anaconda at Bracknell's Coral Reef.
To little avail, as on our sneak-preview visit - shared with the winners of a
staff lottery - Aquatica's most challenging rides remained roped off. Among
the casualties in that overhead pipe tangle were the eight-lane racing
slide, the triple-drop raft ride, and the park's gigantically peculiar
“signature attraction”: a chute incorporating a subaquatic Perspex blast
through a lagoon stocked with black and white Commerson's dolphins.
Depending on your trunks friction, the latter might have been a
blink-and-miss-it job anyhow, though there were plenty of “pedestrian”
viewing windows to watch the dolphins through. I've been to a number of
waterparks over the years, and could see enough to tell that the big rides
were right up there in terms of speed and thrills. I've certainly never seen
an eight-lane slide before, and this wasn't a straight one either - there
were all sorts of twists and turns.
We did, though, experience two huge wave lagoons with nine different “swell
patterns”, an excellent human-pinball “lazy river” ride, and a
let-daddy-have-it “sprayground” that is a sprawling, multi-level riot of
user-controllable cannons, hoses and jets.
The scale of the place was most impressive - it looked like the Pompidou
centre hit by a tidal wave. It was difficult to imagine anyone getting bored
there in a day - we could happily have just messed around in the
“sprayground” for hours.
As the veteran of two footsore tours of duty around Disneyland Paris, my eye
was drawn to the countless sunloungers lined up on Aquatica's 80,000 sq ft
beach: Parent Central when the prospect of another 15 minutes counting goose
pimples in the raft-ride queue fails to appeal.
It would be remiss not to point out here that being owned by brewers
Anheuser-Busch, Aquatica serves chilled alcohol at its many refreshment
areas. The beer was reasonably priced too, at about £2-£2.50 a pint, while
the choice of food was good, and also reasonably priced, including an all-
you-can-eat BBQ at $13 (about £6.50) for adults and $8 for kids.
Like dining at Taco Bell, going to amusement parks is a hectic and sometimes
vapid experience that ought to quickly pall, but for some of us never does.
Orlando's compromise is a day at the placid and decorous Discovery Cove,
with daily entrance limited to 900 guests, and an admission price to match:
about $180 (£89) a head, though this includes everything from suncream to
wetsuits to as much lobster salad as you can manage.
It's not so much a theme park as a brilliantly landscaped evocation of a
tropical island, with four palm-fringed beaches, snorkelling pools filled
with the cast of Finding Nemo (and some less endearing table-sized
stingrays) and an integrated free-flight aviary that is home to macaws,
toucans and the odd sloth.
The highlight is half an hour in the water with a trainer, six other guests
and your own dolphin, culminating in a fin-grabbing solo ride. Walk back on
to the sand without an idiotic beam smeared across your face and you were
born on the wrong planet. Either that or I've just told you it's beef
burrito supremes for supper again.
Orlando's greatest hits
Orlando's 14 theme parks are constantly updating their attractions in a bid to
attract repeat visitors. The new Disney ride, due to open this summer, is
Toy Story Mania at Disney's
Hollywood Studios; a mobile 3-D arcade game with riders firing virtual
custard pies and eggs at characters from the film.
Universal Studios has relaunched
its Earthquake ride as Disaster, with Charlton Heston's address now
delivered by a lifelike hologram of Christopher Walken. Later this month the
Back to the Future attraction will be reborn as The Simpsons. Universal's
big hope, due in 2009, is the Harry Potter “theme park within a theme park”.
Due this spring at Busch Gardens is
Jungala - a wildlife-rich rainforest that guests will walk, climb and slide
through. Busch has announced details of a four-park complex in Dubai. With
Universal Studios also building a park there, Dubai is establishing itself
as a rival to Florida.
Theme park tips
The best places to start planning a theme-park tour are between the pages of
the annually updated Brit Guide to Orlando and Walt Disney World (Foulsham,
£14.99) and at tripadvisor.com.
Both have advice on tickets that offer discounted rates: the Orlando
FlexTicket is highly regarded, though like most it doesn't cover the seven
Disney parks.
Be sure to check a park's own website, which will usually offer reduced rates
for advance sales.
Buy tickets before you leave: if nothing else, it's one queue less. An Orlando
Flex Ticket offers unlimited admission to Universal Studios, Universal's
Islands of Adventure, SeaWorld's Aquatica, Wet'n'Wild and Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay for 14 consecutive days. Adults $280 (£119), children $240.
